In living with the numbers of kids I do, I am often kept in the dark on many fronts. The one thing I have learned is to sometimes look at the history on the Internet explorer. Currently Google Chrome loads a very comprehensive and detailed history. The darkest secrets of my family are now all revealed! And how!
I had no idea there was this much pertinent information available about my kids and their forays online. This browser history will also detail what search term was used and what the search revealed!
Things I have come to know. The child that is petrified to die is busy looking up all sorts of monster thriller movies after midnight including burial rituals. The “too-cool-for-words” teenager, who works almost fulltime, says nothing
about his whereabouts except the bare minimum and is somewhat nervously shy in social settings searches “friend uses me for money” and this after telling his parents that he is broke and cannot pay his cell phone. Other searches included “how to perform an appendectomy at home” (I got to wonder who this kid hangs out with or to whom he is offering medical services to at the age of seventeen) and the usual “how to build a better body” right up there with “why eating regular meals is unhealthy”- and how “the human body was not intended to be a carnivore.”
Another real treat was to discover some male kid (still as yet unidentified) was searching for what should have been “Bare —-“(meaning “bare” as in nether regions). Instead, due to poor spelling the search for private parts was done using Bear (B-E-A-R). The assorted pictures of the behinds of brown and black bears, was overwhelming (sadly a few weirdo pictures of perverted wannabes with too much time spent with a cell phone camera also showed up in the search). I was thankfully spared a plethora of x-rated perverts in favour of some very explicit and close up photos of the male anatomy of the average bear. Spelling in schools in underrated.
A search to determine if Hell really exists (I guess someone needed proof beyond living here) and not to mention some child’s search to determine how to tell if parents are secretly wealthy (should be blatantly obvious living here that we are not but I guess the kids think this is an act so that we don’t have to spend money on them).
In all of this I wondered if I should show my kids this tool and allow them to “spy” on their parents…in particular on me. Think of the possibilities….a terrified kid might learn that I had looked up “how to dress and cook (until tender) the average teenager”, “tough love” (same difference), “boot camp for the spoilt brat”, and not to be outdone by “how to torture your teenage child into submission using steamed broccoli”-Oh the possibilities!
The Garden Goat