My six-year-old recently came home sporting a nicely designed label on his shirt. At first glance I thought that my kid had achieved some type of next level recognition in his class at the institute of higher learning…Grade One (to be exact). With some squinting on my part (40-year-old something eyes) I was expecting to see the usual primary school accolades that regularly show up on these youngster’s homework. You know the ones:
Instead …the label read “Please watch me…I bumped my head today!”…WHAT????
I guess calls home from the school can be really reduced with the new label system. I might have been able to accept:
“Need special care have a small boo-boo”
“Be nice to me…I had a bad day”
“I fell and scraped my knee…I might need some TLC”
“The school nurse checked me and I am fine but could use extra TLC”
But “watch me closely…I bumped my head”? Seriously….what are these people (the folks at the school) thinking??? The only saving grace about this label was that it was adhered on the child’s shirt as opposed to his forehead.(!!) I am wondering if the rest of the first aid container at school might include “Was unconscious earlier please watch me overnight” or “Unresponsive at school please return to sender” only to be out done with “Intellectually unresponsive please investigate!”
Then again that opens up an entire list of labels a parent might like to have for the teacher.
“Watch me my head is very sore…too much homework”
“If I can’t understand what you teach in school hours don’t think my parents can teach me in non-school hours.”
“Was dropped on my head…well…the rest is history!”
“My family calls me …ANIMAL!”
“Today is a bad day… someone kidnapped my imaginary friend”
“Be careful…I am ALMOST toilet-trained!”
Better yet might be the labels one could (perhaps should?) arm a high school teacher with:
“This kid need not come to school…ever again.”
“Return to sender…only resend once mouth is sealed with duct tape”
“If this is what your family has to offer the world for the future…hope you have a backup plan!”
This label thing could likely save all of us time and therefore money…oh the possibilities!
I as a parent might choose to wear (sometimes more than occasionally)
“I am currently having an out-of-body experience…stay tuned …take a number…it could take a while!”
“I did hear you…but no…I still DON’T care.”
“Whatever!! Duh!…(unless you are asking for the car)…then NO!”
“FYI…take cover I am in a VERY BAD MOOD!”
I guess when all is said and done, the label “Please watch me…I bumped my head today!” is definitely not anywhere near as scary as “Toe-tag required…please call the coroner.” Though it still leaves me wondering …are all students given the “bumped my head” label or are these labels only reserved for the children whose scholastic performance leaves something to be desired while the children perceived as having superior brilliance get a REAL call home (oh and then perhaps a label)??
A quick call to my local school regaling the receptionist with my take on the whole thing and she is horrified… “Oh I guess we FORGOT to call you and JUST gave him the label INSTEAD of calling. He is fine but really wanted a label. He did bump his head though earlier in the day but seemed okay.” (???)
I think I will be in my corner designing labels we can all wear (and hand out) for everyday use. Can you imagine what one could “get away with” saying at work with just wearing a label??? Just saying….
Labeled “The Garden Goat”